Looking to create a strong marriage? Here's some good advice

Courtship brief but marriage lifelong

William Phillips says he was not quick enough to get away from his future wife, Peggy, when they met for the first time in 1946.

Mr and Mrs Phillips celebrated their diamond wedding anniversary last weekend with more than 80 friends and family members at their Milford home.

Now 85, Mrs Phillips fondly remembers meeting her 90-year-old husband, William, shortly after the end of World War II.

"I was nursing in New Plymouth at the time and my husband-to-be came back from the war and was seconded there to complete his training as an air-traffic controller."

She said their courtship was brief but unforgettable.

"I remember he was a mischievous thing who certainly caught my eye back then.

"We had our ups and downs at the start but it didn't take us long to make our minds up," said Mrs Phillips.

Mr Phillips interrupts: "I couldn't run away from her fast enough at the time and look what happened."

The couple married in Mrs Phillips' hometown of Blenheim on July 17, 1946.

"It's been wonderful and he told me today that he would marry me again," said Mrs Phillips.

Shortly after their wedding the couple moved to Milford which Mrs Phillips said was then a "lovely and unsophisticated place which was on the way up" on the North Shore.

They raised their family there and have lived there ever since. "We have three girls and a boy," said Mrs Phillips proudly.

She said being actively involved in the North Shore community had been a highlight for both of them.

She served as deputy mayor on the Takapuna Council for nine years and was involved with Plunket and numerous boards in the area for decades while Mr Phillips continued his work as an air-traffic controller.

Mrs Phillips' commitment to housing for the elderly and pensioners living on the North Shore has been recognised with a residential village for senior citizens in Takapuna named in her honour.

She believes part of the success of her relationship with William was more about giving than receiving. Mrs Phillips says she gets cross at people who think only about what is in it for themselves.

"My parents set a good example for me. My mother used to help in the cowshed, work around home and then she would get a bus into town to help in the soup kitchen," she said.

"A lot of people these days are only thinking about themselves but I don't think this can work in a marriage - it makes me angry.

"We did things within our community and helped people all our lives. I get cross when people think only about what's in it for themselves."

She believes she is from a time when a long-lasting marriage was considered as necessary as being educated and having a lifelong job.

"People these days would be lucky to last six years in a marriage let alone 60," said Mrs Phillips.

"Kids these days are all about taking things now and are only interested in what they can get for themselves.

"But I can remember some women who were engaged to their husbands during the war and had to wait for years for them to return."

~NZ Herald

Well, I did it...

I have accepted a job offer. No more looking in the Sits Vacant... at least until mid-July when the contract finishes (it's a maternity cover position). I actually have to be careful not to drink the water there - three girls in the marketing department got pregnant all at once. No, thank you. I can start on Thursday if I like, to get a day over with before the Easter break. I'm waiting to confirm that until after I've signed the contract, which is being delivered today. What a nervewracking experience. I was on edge for most of yesterday.

That aside, our anniversary break was lovely. The house we rented was great - right on the beach and next to a park. We had a mix of hot sunshine and dramatic thunder storms on the first day, which was quite cool, and then mostly sunshine after that. We had a lovely time swimming, walking and exploring. We also had dinner at probably the best restaurant we'd ever been to... mmm I can still taste dessert. We reinacted some of the things we did when we got together. All in all a very romantic weekend.

First Anniversary :-)

Tomorrow morning we are off on our first real trip away (alone) together since our honeymoon. The occasion is our first wedding anniversary, and we are going to the beach where we first got together. The weather has been beautiful all week, and although it's forecast to change I'm keeping my fingers crossed! (It was forecast two rain the last two days and all we've had is brilliant sunshine)

We're currently deciding whether to take my car or his (will air conditioning or fuel economy win out?) and who will drive there. We're both very easy going when it comes to these decisions - which makes them harder to make. Meanwhile I've made multiple lists of what we need to pack from different parts of the house. I like ticking things off lists. Gives me a sense of achievement and control in this madcap world.

We're away for four days - so no posts until at least Tuesday. I'm going to do my best to switch off from the normal stresses of life - even though I'm going to find out if I got a job today or Monday. Wish me luck!

Rant: In the post-feminist age

You know, I think the second world war is responsible for many detrimental effects to society. Apart from the obvious ones, like millions of dead people and general violence in the world, one which bugs me is the fact that while all the men went to war, the women moved out of their homes and into the workforce. And when the men came back, these women were like "What? You want to take my job away! I don't think so!" but then they got pregnant and became unhappy housewives. Then throughout the next few decades women decided they wanted to choose when (and if) home life was for them, and the career women was born.

Here's the problem - now that women have proved they can be a productive force in the workplace, society expects every women to desire a career. It's such a change in 50 years - the world went from no (married) women working, to every women having to.

Like most girls, I went along with it. I wondered what I wanted to be when I grew up, then realised that I would make no money from my passions (wildlife and writing) so chose a degree which best suited my strengths. Three jobs later, I'm completely disillusioned with the whole process, especially now that I'm married and I have a little home to look after and someone to cook for (don't get me wrong - we share the duties equally). I actually hate 'working'. I hate the getting up at un-natural times, I hate the traffic getting there, I hate the false little greetings, the queue of tedious tasks, the pathetic coffee banter, the mindset of needing to slave away just to make a corporate more money, the long afternoon with even more tedium, the stupid meetings, the jargon, the pressure... and I really hate getting home and absolutely not feeling like I have the energy or desire to make the most of the evening.

I think I realised I wasn't cut out for the workplace when I was engaged. My fiance and I were studying one of those books dispensing advice for couples like us. It was talking about the essential needs of men and women. One of the needs for men was to have a restful home, and for women was to have financial security. You may think these ideas outdated, but it struck a real chord with me. I do want to be the nurterer, who makes everything look just right, who cooks lovely meals and who greets her husband at the door. And of course he wants that - who wouldn't? What's the complication? Money, of course. He's still studying (though he does work as well), and we can't even afford the lovely food. The good news is that by the time we feel like having kids, he'll probably be making enough to support me. But it's going to be a tough road in the meantime - me feeling trapped and him feeling guilty.

I don't want to sound ungrateful. I like the idea of supporting him. But why does the workplace have to suck so much? Am I the only one who doesn't have any career aspirations? People look at you funny when you say you don't have a five year plan for your career. It just doesn't fulfil me. Funny how when you first get introduced to someone, they always ask, "what do you do?" which of course translates to occupation. Why must our jobs so much define who we are?

It seems that some of the world shares my views on not believing everything hardcore feminists would tell us. There was a documentary on recently showing how many young Mums (in the US) are choosing now to stay at home. Their mother's generation saw it as a priveledge to go out and work, but they see it as a right to stay at home. Good on them (as long as they're not in debt or on welfare or anything). I really think it's important for a mother to be with her child in its formative years. There has been much published on how much more stable kids are when they've had this quality time. Probably a lot of the violence and problems in society could be prevented if kids just had a stable home life with a mother and father... but that's another story.

I better stop this rant now. Wish me luck as I look for another trapping, I mean job. Or wish that I'll finish my novel soon and it will sell millions, either one.

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12 March update - Looks like I'm not alone in feeling this way...