Truth Universally Acknowledged

The title of this blog is an obvious reference to my favourite author, Jane Austen. My other great inspiration is Ella Fitzgerald. I intend this site to be general musings about things which interest me, and hopefully you as well.

Name:
Location: Auckland, New Zealand

I'm a girl in her twenties living in New Zealand - of Irish and Scottish descent. I'm married to a wonderful guy and we live in a tiny house in the suburbs with a menagerie of soft toys and model aircraft. My main occupations at the moment are attempting to become and author and surviving my day job... wish me luck!


Google
 
Web truthuniversal.blogspot.com

The Truth Universally Acknowledged Resource Centre (UK)

Browse stuff I like at Amazon.co.uk.


The Truth Universally Acknowledged Resource Centre (US)

Browse stuff I like at Amazon.com.

Thursday, 10 March 2005

Some jokes to brighten your day

They may be old, but they're still pretty funny.

**********

Two peanuts walk into a bar

One was a salted.

**********

A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

**********

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:

"A beer please, and one for the road."

**********

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

**********

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.

The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.

**********

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

**********

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

**********

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly

"I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," said Dolly.

"It's true, no bull!"

**********

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, "I've lost my electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

**********

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

**********

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high'.

**********

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

He was pulled in by a strong currant.

**********

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh

**********

Two fish are in a tank

One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

Labels: ,

1 Comments:

Blogger Manjusha said...

You bet they are funny! Made my day.

8:16 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home