Truth Universally Acknowledged

The title of this blog is an obvious reference to my favourite author, Jane Austen. My other great inspiration is Ella Fitzgerald. I intend this site to be general musings about things which interest me, and hopefully you as well.

Location: Auckland, New Zealand

I'm a girl in her twenties living in New Zealand - of Irish and Scottish descent. I'm married to a wonderful guy and we live in a tiny house in the suburbs with a menagerie of soft toys and model aircraft. My main occupations at the moment are attempting to become and author and surviving my day job... wish me luck!


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Thursday, 10 March 2005

Some jokes to brighten your day

They may be old, but they're still pretty funny.


Two peanuts walk into a bar

One was a salted.


A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."


A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:

"A beer please, and one for the road."


A dyslexic man walks into a bra.


Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.

The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.


Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"


"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."


Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly

"I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," said Dolly.

"It's true, no bull!"


Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, "I've lost my electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."


I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.


I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high'.


My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

He was pulled in by a strong currant.


What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh


Two fish are in a tank

One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

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Blogger Manjusha said...

You bet they are funny! Made my day.

8:16 am  

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