The Great Bikini Expedition

I finally admitted that my togs really are wearing out, and the inevitable trip to get some more loomed on the horizon. Is it possible that shopping for togs is worse than shopping for bras? Finding one style and shape that fits and looks okay is a mission. And you have to live with it for quite some time.

I first went to Dressmart, the factory/outlet mall in Onehunga. At the first shop I tried on a couple of things, and decided that halter necks are really not for me. To get any kind of support, the straps would have to be tight enough to cut into your neck. Not flattering. But a trend this season, apparently. I decided that the “boy” pants are quite good though – pity the pattern was ugly and the other half was the aforementioned halter neck.

I looked through two more shops without reaching the changing room – shop one: hideous patterns; shop two: nothing but bikini tops with only pathetic triangles of fabric. Do the girls who buy these tops actually go swimming, or just lie around on the beach? Because I’m sure if I put one of those on and dove into a pool, or jumped into the surf, I would be popping out of it in an instant. Useless. No, an under wire and a bit more fabric is mandatory.

At my last stop at Dressmart, I found a potentially good looking black bikini top (without matching bottoms, but that can be solved more easily). When I slipped it on, I was pleased with the cup fit, but I couldn’t do it up. Then I looked at the tag and realised the problem. I had seen “D” written on it in ink, but had failed to see the printed “8”. I can see why these two tops are sitting in the outlet shop. Come on, 8D? No-one in real life is naturally that size. Who designed this bikini top? An optimistic male, one surmises.

Heading to St Lukes and the best swimsuit shop ever, we parked and I marched to the spot. Tragedy struck. The shop was gone! The old-faithful had disappeared. The space had previously been occupied by a dazzling range of patterns, shapes and sizes. Now another generic fashion label occupies it. That swimsuit shop had been there for years. Dismayed, I searched through the entire mall, hoping it had just relocated. No luck. Does anywhere know where this shop has gone and why?

Seeing as I’m going out of town on the weekend, I really do need to buy some new togs this week. Wish me luck for the bikini expedition: part two.